“Considering the store I work at, it was inevitable that I would gravitate from the paper section elsewhere, and I’m happy I did. However, I’m still fighting Imposter Syndrome and debating whether I fit under the umbrella term of “artist”; most people exclaim “Yes!” encouragingly, but it feels like another title I’m adding to this cumbersome list of ways I want to be recognized. It includes creative director, writer, blogger, creaducator, and an unidentified title that’ll connect to the career(s) that call me in nonprofit management & community redevelopment.”

“I’d like to use this brief intermission to share a few things I’ve learned the hard way, so that you don’t have to.”

“They say ‘Trick or Treat’, but I had both last year! Making 3 zines larger than I normally do, especially 2 in B&W like I normally wouldn’t, was certainly a trick, just as much as creating the word search, unscramble, and yes, all that shading.”

“I looked for book clubs, writer’s groups, 20-something socializing meet-ups on Facebook, Eventbrite, and Meetup. Even geocaching y’all. My search had me convinced that the only people still attending were 40-somethings desperate to be away from their spouse and kids (which is probably what put old school Bingo halls on my mind). What if I just found friends from a bingo board I built with cordial conversation pieces?”

“The Lord, The Universe, my angels, they’ll tell y’all that the total weight of my books was a mere pound to the shame, anger, disappointment - the feels forreal - I’d brought as well. I vowed before I even graduated high school that I wouldn’t move back home. But there I was, facing the hard truth and swallowing those hard pills (sour memories we sometimes regret, and the overwhelming feelings from said “regrets” that I could no longer numb with weed).

I knew I wasn’t weak, but I didn’t see how much strength I could gain by letting go of the weight of my ‘what-ifs’.”

“When I first started out making zines, I had rapid-fire ideas and my execution was almost compatible. But it started to slow as I became exasperated with the designs not quite coming out as I’d hoped (and yes, I work with the “happy accidents”, but if it wasn’t part of the plan, then to a certain degree, it’s wrong!)”

“During this year, I was managing my focus & motivation with notecards. Instead of using a daily planner for a week and then feeling guilty for the rest of the month, I decided to go day by day creating tasks to tackle. Many cards show I just wanted to find a balance between finishing projects and curling up under my partner, but that volunteering day in February changed the trajectory of my to-do list.”

“Some projects saw a second chance, while others are living on a very sincere prayer that they’ll make it out the drafts. Let’s meet those contestants!”

This is just the introductory post to the behind-the-zines! Thank you for joining me on this journey.